Rebecca Winkler

I have reached the bottom

I have been falling for some time now

This pit is relentless

Pulling and tugging me down

Casting hope of ledges that would crumble underneath my feet

I lay balled up upon the earth

Staring hopelessly into the void

This darkness is deadly

Blinding my eyes from any sign of life

Weaving its way through my being

Intent on consuming me

I have called for You

My cry has rung out into the night

And Your silence has killed me

My father, You told me to ask You for bread

Yet You have given me not even a stone

Shall I succumb to this nothingness

I am so tired of fighting

This body is weakening

My mind is trapped within a prison

My heart has no desire for beating

I will shut my eyes now and return to the dust

………

A tear marks its way down my cheek

Even in my dying I still desire You near

What have I done to You?

For You to be so cruel to me now

Did You require a perfection I could not obtain?

Were my quiet prayers not elegant enough for You?

Or are You of stone? Unmoved by Your creation?

………

I know You see me even now

Watching the darkness flood in

Tell me how to live!?

Reach for me, pull me out

Why does the very nature of me cry out for You?

Yearn for You?

When You are absent from me?

Silence seeps into my ears

For a moment all is lost

………

My soul will sing

………

I hear the words echo in the darkness

Then silence returns

……….

My soul will sing

……….

My heart beats out as if repeating the phrase

Then silence once more

………

A lump in my throat

The call clawing to escape

I cannot contain it

The words burst forth

………

My soul will sing

………

Silence

………

Suddenly in my vision

A path appears

A way out?

I draw near with anticipation

My heart fails when recognition is reach

A path covered in black and riddled with pain

Vines creeping through every inch

Ready to tear away at what’s left of me

Is this your answer?

I would rather stay in the pit and wither away

………

My soul will sing

………

My soul will sing

My soul will sing

………

My spirit is pounding out a tune like a drum

Uncontrollably, my voice joins in its chant

My feet stomp out its call

My arms raise reaching for You

………

Though my heart fails, my soul will sing

………

A tether alights itself in my hand

I trace the rope to find its leading

Into the path it goes

Expertly trailing through the darkness

This is the answer

Body weak, heart broken, future unknown

My soul will sing through it now

Held tight to the leading through the pain

Held tight without knowing

Held tight to a faith that seems foolish

Held tight because You must lead me to You